


be my twenties

by ansutazu



Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: F/M, Romance, i mean they confess at the end, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:35:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26208793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ansutazu/pseuds/ansutazu
Summary: shintaro decides to help ayano celebrate the birthdays she's missed while in the haze. there's something bothering him, though. // post-str shinaya, one-shot.
Relationships: Kisaragi Shintaro & Tateyama Ayano, Kisaragi Shintaro/Tateyama Ayano
Comments: 9
Kudos: 22





	be my twenties

the day starts with momo and shintaro eating their breakfast. his little sister’s made it so that they _have_ to spend their mornings together; “we don’t have to see each other for the rest of the day after that,” she said, “but i want to at least have the mornings to ourselves!” although he’s no where near a morning person (there are moments when he stumbles downstairs after pulling an all-nighter), he obliges in her request. he’s her big brother, and he’s trying to be better.

the way shintaro’s hunched over his bowl of rice makes momo frown. “onii-chan, try to sit up straight, will you? you’re going to ruin your back and you’re only twenty.”

“i don’t think you understand what happens when people are in their twenties,” shintaro says, making only a slight effort to fix is posture, “i’m already a _little_ old, and that’s why my back’s failing me.”

“twenty is not _old_ old to the point where your back isn’t holding you upright! it’s _your_ type of old because _you_ spend an ungodly amount of time sitting at your computer.”

“you sound like mom.”

“and what about it?” momo takes a long sip of her tea (which consisted of five different flavors of tea bags — god, he doesn’t know how she can stomach that every single day) before she continues. “i’m just trying to look out for you.”

“…i know, i know. thank you, momo.”

“which is why i have to ask — what’s happening between you and ayano?”

shintaro spits out his (regular) tea. “what — why are you talking about this?”

“all this talk about being twenty just reminded me that it’s been two years since _that_ day, and, well…the girl you’re _obviously_ in love with is right there but i can’t pick up any signs of anything between you two every time the dan hangs out! what are you hiding?”

“why do you want to know so bad?”

“because i’m a teenage girl who loves this kind of stuff!”

“well — okay, so…” shintaro sighs. “with the aftermath of all of _that_ and haruka’s recovery and takane’s as well and finishing school and the fact that ayano _came back from the dead_ and is trying to figure out how to be _alive_ again…wait, ‘obviously in love’?”

“so there’s…nothing?”

“nothing.” shintaro’s face is a deep red.

“that’s disappointing.” without hesitation, momo pulls out her phone and begins to type furiously. shintaro can only hope that what she’s writing is kind to him.

* * *

after breakfast, momo sends shintaro off to get ingredients for her beloved red bean soup soda, but when he asked about the brands, she quickly shook her head and said, “actually, there’s some new brands i’d love to try out for it, but it’s only sold at a specific store at a specific aisle.” the store is halfway across the city, and it takes about thirty minutes to get there even in an uber. but he gets there, and he mutters the aisle number under his breath — aisle seventeen, aisle seventeen, aisle seventeen…

wait, he’s been to this store before, and aisle seventeen isn’t where all the canned drinks are, but where all the candy is instead. why — ?

as he looks down the aisle, he sees someone very, _very_ familiar on the opposite side.

“ah, shintaro!” ayano waves, and she quickly makes her way towards him, almost bumping into a few shoppers. “what are you doing here?”

“momo said she wanted specific brands for her drink — ” oh. _oh_ …god damn, his little sister’s really deceptive. did she get that from kano? “did she ask you the same thing?”

“yeah, she did.” she tilts her head, looking confused. “why would she ask both of us to get her the same thing…and it’s not even the right aisle…?”

“i’m beginning to doubt the brand she wants doesn’t even exist. i should have looked it up before i left.”

“…is it weird to say that i’m glad you didn’t?”

“i...?”

“well, we got to meet up…” ayano trails off, leaving shintaro’s ears open to the heart pounding in his chest. ‘obviously in love’ rings in his mind, but he doesn’t get to erase it completely out his head before ayano speaks again. “should we get out of here first?”

shintaro nods, and in silence they walk out of the store. during their departure, his thoughts wander over to ayano’s outfit, how the baby blue tank top and white shorts contrast her red hair clips and how nice it is overall…god, why did he think of that in detail? but compared the the black shirt and sweatpants combo he had, this was definitely _better_.

he guesses that since she’s abandoned that red scarf of hers for two years now, she looks a little different…but she was cute then and she was cute now. did he just say that? oh god oh god oh god —

“are you doing anything else today, shintaro?”

this snaps him back to reality. he shakes his head. “not really. to be honest, though, i don’t think i’m ready to go back home just yet. i don’t want momo to lecture me _again_.”

“what did she lecture you about today?”

“about how being twenty isn’t _old_.” shintaro shrugs. “but with the shit that’s happened in the past two decades, it feels like i’ve aged a lot.”

“ah…”

ayano stops in her tracks. the expression on her face errs on the side of sadness, but if you weren’t looking close enough, she just looks deep in thought. shintaro taps her shoulder. “you okay?”

“you know, all that time spent in the haze…i ended up losing two years of my life, and because of it i don’t _feel_ like the age i am on paper. it’s like i’m behind where i’m supposed to be. if i could just ‘grow up’…well, anyway.” ayano laughs at herself, a smile returning to her face to reassure him. “it’s kind of a silly thought in the end. i don’t know why i said it…sorry.”

she says that, but he sits on it for a couple of seconds — and then, an idea forms in his head. “um…what if we celebrated the birthdays you missed?”

“huh?”

“well, if we did…then you’d be the age you are now, and you’ll be caught up. symbolically.” now that those words were spoken, he sounds a little dumb. “sorry, that’s…”

“no, no, it sounds fun!” the excitement in ayano’s voice is infectious. “but how…?”

“are _you_ doing anything today?”

“not really.”

“then we can go around and do stuff to celebrate right now. i know it’s not november but…after today, you’ll be all caught up to turn twenty then.”

the twinkle in ayano’s eyes absolutely destroys him.

* * *

“i know i said we could do anything you wanted, but the library?”

“there’s something special in here!”

ayano seemed determined to go where she was going, taking a route she’s gone over a million times before they probably even met. he doesn’t question her any further and stays silent the rest of the way.

they finally get to a corner of the library filled with children’s books, and from there ayano smiles, pointing to a plaque on one of the shelves. it said ‘dedicated to tateyama ayaka’.

“these books are mostly fairytales,” ayano says, her fingers hovering over her mother’s name. “my mom would always pick things out from this shelf specifically, so when she died, my dad thought it would be nice to do something for her here. then we made it tradition to go here and read one of the books on our birthdays.”

shintaro regrets making such a remark about the library earlier. “that’s…a really thoughtful tradition.”

ayano crouches down, and in a second she picks out a book. she happily holds it up to shintaro, her smile now stretching from ear to ear. “this one was one of my favorites! ‘little red riding hood’…i would read this to my siblings when they were younger. come on, sit down! let’s read it!”

“i mean, it’s a pretty common fairytale — ”

“yeah, but it’s _tradition_.”

shintaro can’t say no to that. he sits down, and she opens the book, reading it in her sweet voice. he focuses on paying attention, on what the wolf was doing, but before long…

this was an all-too familiar fairytale, although the pictures are definitely different. still, it’s something he’s seen a million times that his mind wanders to how close they were. there’s definitely a lot of space to sit comfortably, but ayano doesn’t budge because she’s too focused on reading, and shintaro doesn’t budge because he doesn’t want to. their shoulders almost touch with every breath. it’s a dangerous game, and yet he’s got some sort of adrenaline from it, some sort of…well, it’s not like he hates it.

alright. he can’t take thinking about it anymore. his mind goes back to the book just as ayano’s flipping a page, but with shintaro’s careful eye, he spots a page stuck to the one she was turning.

his hand goes to fix it, but so does ayano’s when she realizes she’s on the wrong page, and that was the wrong move to make on his part. their hands touch, and the feeling of it shocks both of them even without any sort of physical static. they pull away immediately, but shintaro’s already felt the consequences. his heart’s racing, his thoughts lingering on the momentary sensation. _great going, shintaro! you could have said something…_

if it were anyone else, he would have just been left with mortification of such an awkward act, but because it was _her_ , it makes him wish that their hands had stayed close for just…a little longer. he wishes that their millisecond was a second, for what lingers on his fingers is just the smallest amount of ayano’s presence. he wonders what it would be like if they held hands…but god, he would implode.

“…the end.” ayano closes the book and puts it back, and for a second his eyes stay on her pink cheeks. she turns to him, and before he could wonder what could make her so bashful, she says, “let’s go to the next stop!”

* * *

“this bakery was under construction back then before i…well, you know.” it took them a while to get to the place (they’d gotten lost at the train station), but thank god they made it safe and sound. ayano looks up at the sign, back down at her phone, then back up at the sign. when she confirms she’s in the right spot, she swings the front doors open.

it’s a typical bakery aesthetic with the brick walls, brown color scheme, and chalk menu. although it’s not outlandish, it isn’t uninviting. the atmosphere is warm, inviting ( _just like her…wait —_ ). there’s a display filled with pastry, cupcakes, and tiered cakes, and ayano immediately makes her way over there, ooh-ing and ahh-ing at how beautiful they looked ( _but she’s prettier — seriously, what is going on, and why’d i compare her to some cake?_ ).

there’s a line that shintaro silently goes to as ayano looks so that she has a place, and when she’s finally done looking at the display, she goes to him, the happiest look gracing her face. maybe it’s the light from the display in the back or something else, but she’s _glowing_. she’s the only thing he can focus on in this entire bakery.

“what are you getting?” he asks, trying not to sound too dazed.

“i’m not sure,” she says with a sigh. “they all look so good, it’s almost impossible to pick one! but i’m leaning towards a cake…”

“then pick any and i’ll pay for it.” he holds up a hand before she can object. “it’s my gift to you for all your birthdays.”

“you’ll let me share it with you, at least?” she had the sweetest puppy dog eyes. he nods; he really can’t say no to her. she’s satisfied with that.

when they get to the cashier, ayano picks out the strawberry sponge cake. ayano couldn’t take her eyes off the cake as the worker goes to take it out of the display, putting it in a box and wrapping it with the neatest bow.

shintaro cooly holds out his card to pay, and the worker gives a rather teasing look. “is this an anniversary cake for you two?”

“ah — no, no! it’s for…a birthday.” ayano laughs, gesturing to herself. for some reason, the worker looks a little disappointed, but they finish their transaction. they say thanks and head out, immediately making their way to ayano’s last spot.

“this last spot might be familiar,” ayano says, “but we’ll get to it in time, i think. did you have fun today?”

“yeah, although…we only really went to three spots. i thought you’d be the type to do a million things on your birthday.”

“haha, well…to be honest, i don’t do much on my regular birthdays anyway!” there’s a sheepish look on her face. “if you were expecting a bit more…”

“well it’s _your_ celebration in the end, so as long as we got to do what _you_ wanted, it’s fine.” he got surprisingly defensive there.

shintaro could only see ayano’s smile from the corner of his eye, but it was so…gentle. all-knowing. thoughtful. “i always knew you were kind.”

“to be honest, it seems to only show up when i’m with you.”

ayano’s eyes quickly dart to him, but he looks ahead, too embarrassed to look at her back. he can’t do it right now.

what he said was true though. the feeling existed a long time ago, but dwelling on it in the two years she was gone really made it more and more _irritating_. it was a feeling defeated by her disappearing; it was a feeling that grew apparent when she came back. it was a feeling tied to ayano and ayano only. it was a feeling that wouldn’t go away, and he think he doesn’t _want_ it to go away.

he knows the name of that feeling, and he knows what momo meant when she said it was obvious, but to act on scares him. he doesn’t want her to go away again. but if he didn’t quell that feeling, if he didn’t do anything…he already saw what happened to him the first time.

it’s obvious that he acts different around her, that he’s more aware of himself around her, that he’s a lot of things around her. it’s because it’s _her_ , it’s because she reached out to him and insisted to get to know him and was so stubborn when it came to him. it’s because she showed him that he deserved happiness, too. it’s because her existence is something so special to him…it’s because of all these things that he needs to stop being a coward and to say the words lingering in his heart.

_i’m sorry for making you wait._

* * *

the last spot is the top of a long, long staircase. shintaro’s really winded, but it’s been a while since he’s had to climb these steps. it’s part of the way to their old middle school.

they got there when the sun’s about to set. ayano finds herself staring at the scenery for a while with such an enamored gaze, but of course, shintaro only looked at her. he wouldn’t mind if she got lost in the orange and pink hues for a long, long time, because it would mean he could take her in for a long, long time.

but the trance is broken when she yelps about the cake and about not wanting it to go bad, and shintaro snaps back to the box in his hand, untying the ribbon and opening it up. the worker had given them some candles and a lighter, and they quickly begin the cake ceremony.

_happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear ayano…_

“…happy birthday to you.”

she blows them out and immediately picks out a strawberry from the top, eating it with such a delighted look on her face. he wants to capture that expression forever. the worker had also provided them with forks, and they dig in, promising to save some for the dan.

“why’d you pick this spot?” that’s a pretty harmless question to ask, right?

“is that even a question?” ayano gestures to the sunset in front of them. “it’s one of the prettiest parts of the city! i always liked going home to this…it just feels _nice_.”

“a good end to this birthday catch up?”

“hm…yeah, it is.” thank god for that. ayano puts down her fork, and god, she just looked so beautiful. “thank you, shintaro, from the bottom of my heart. this was such a nice day. i’m more than satisfied now, though, to be honest…maybe i didn’t feel grown up because i wasn’t letting _myself_ grow up. i really was hung up about those two years i was gone. but now that i’m here again, now that i’ve spent all this time with everyone…time is moving forward and i finally feel that.”

“wow, that’s…a lot.”

“it’s nice being a little honest with yourself, i found out.” ayano’s laugh is the sweetest sound. “i’m ready for my real birthday now in november. i’ll be twenty, just like you.”

“yeah, about that.” shintaro clears his throat. here we go. “you know, in the past twenty years, there’s just so much i would rather forget…but truthfully, you’re not one of them.”

_cheesy. anyway —_

“you were some of the brighter spots back then, and i…i want you to be the brighter spots in my future, too. in my twenties, thirties, for as long as you’ll let me. i know it’s pretty selfish of me, but it would mean the world to me because…because i…”

“shintaro — ”

“i love you.”

and there they were. the words he’d been wanting to say. he’s been looking at ayano for so long it feels like almost too much, and he quickly changes his gaze to the icing on the cake. unfortunately, there’s nothing special about them.

after what feels like forever, something holds his hand — and to his surprise, it’s ayano’s hand. he meets her eyes, and they’re so…so…full of joy it takes him by surprise. her hand is warm. her touch is soft. her smile is so heavenly. is this a dream?

“shintaro…i love you, too. all this time, i’ve loved you, too.”

there’s a pause. he leans in; she leans in. and finally, _finally_ …they kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> i think 20 is a severely slept on vocal team song. justice for 20  
> idk what else to say lol hope u like it


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